My new blog

Hello Blogland,

For anyone who is interested I have established my new blog:

http://mcmamacat.wordpress.com/

I cannot follow any of the Parent24 blogs, but I will definitely be reading and commenting here still.

I hear the whistling wind…..

I feel a little lonely here in P24 Blogland. I almost hear the wind whistling through the hallways. So after much thought (and since I have managed to set up a personal wordpress website..for other purposes) I have decided to move my blog off P24. I originally started the blog as a place to write my thoughts and maybe pass it onto Honeybear. It was also a place to find advice and to learn from other parents. We could share thoughts and offer support. This blog no longer serves those purposes.
I also want to blog about things that may be unrelated to parenting, so maybe this is not the best place to do this anymore. I feel there is not a sense of community left anymore. It is currently just Helen. Sorry Helen, I know you keep the spirit alive, but I think eventually you too are going to give up…or maybe you have more staying power.
So sadly, I say goodbye to P24 blogland.
PS: I will always read the blogs, and maybe things will liven up again one day. As soon as I have moved things onto the new site, I will drop a link, for anyone who may still be interested.

Weekend update

Another rainy weekend, well at least we had some sun, so I cannot complain too much. It was nice having Hubby home. We had a fight about his work. We have exactly 4 days in a month when Hubby is home all day, and often we have to do chores that I cannot do alone. The rest of the work days, he is only home at about 22h00 at night every second night, so I am very, very possessive over the weekends we get together.
His boss is completely nuts. Instead of just looking at an email or a file or asking the people who are scheduled to work, he calls hubby. We are not talking just one call, we care talking about 5 calls and messages an hour. I had enough. I asked hubby if he needs to go to work. He said no, so I said please just turn the phone off, because I am tired of the interruptions. And then he does it again, then I was angry. I know it is not very constructive, and I know Hubby feels pressure from work, but sometimes it is just too much. For me it is plain disrespect.
We were planning a 10 day break in April, with the public holidays, guess who has to cancel, and this was planned last year already. Hubby has more than enough leave, but he is not allowed to take it, even with a 5 month notice. So yes, sometimes, I get angry about it. I try really hard to understand, but when you have someone calling so often, with silly questions, and sometimes just comments, I want to scream. Hubby is also irritated by the whole thing, but it his work and he feels like he must put up with some nonsense.
Honeybear is a sweet and very naughty at the same time. Sometimes I just do not know what to do. I hate shouting at him, so I try not to, but then he seems to escalate into complete craziness. We have stopped all bottles completely now…and the next step is the dummy. His dependency on the dummy seems to be more of a habit these days. If I tell him it is lost, he usually accepts it. I think Hubby and I need to get onto the same page about the dummy. Hubby just sticks it into his mouth whenever he is screaming. I feel we must find out why he is screaming and try to sort it out. I know how Hubby feels, and sometimes it is just easier, hence I keep them out of reach of myself and Honeybear except at night time, and then I sometimes hide it under the pillow and tell Honeybear it is lost. Hey I am trying to break the dependency gently, over time and let him get used to the idea…and get hubby and I used to the idea too.
I stopped breast-feeding Honeybear in September 2012. I still get breast milk. I know the clinic sister said it will stop eventually, but when? Honeybear gets upset or is crying and I feel that milk come in. It is not pouring out, but it does get a little uncomfortable sometimes…that feeling of fullness and you have the desire just to breast feed. I hope it goes away. I gave breast feeding my all, I think this is unfair.

P24 content, minions and me

Well the minion is progressing very nicely….I am pleasantly surprised. It just needs some feet and then we are good. Honeybear already recognises the thing as a minion so it cannot be too bad. Hubby just smiles.
Honeybear is back to crying, but I can see it is just that token crying (if you know what I mean). So I am not in tears.
It has been raining quite a bit in Pretoria, and other surrounding bits. I am very sure some place is going to flood, because I see out grass is already waterlogged and you need to wear galoshes to get through, ok I am exaggerating a bit. I was walking to the car this morning, in a very nice rain jacket over jersey, and boots and jeans…it occurred to me how very lucky I am. I have decent clothes to wear in this weather and I am walking to a car. My own car so I am not standing waiting for a bus or taxi, or walking. Life really sucks for some people. It is good to try to get some perspective on your life.
I would have stopped to give lifts to some people, but I knew hubby was driving behind me this morning (we even own 2 cars)…….yes I know it could be bad, but sometimes, there are those people that just tug on your heart strings…hubby juts does not understand.
There was a video on Parent24 about the baby that would not let go of mom after the c-section…..the title was something about the new-born shocking the medical staff…..Parent24 is beginning to worry me. Some of those article titles are really of. I know that it is about catching attention and making you want to read the article but you know, we are parents and we come read the site for useful articles. I find that the content is becoming a little farfetched. Sorry Parent24 people, I am just saying it like I see it, it is just an opinion and could be totally off factually . The video could have been paired with a realistic article about how babies have an instinct for Mom in the first hour after birth ( it is strongest at this time). If placed on Mom’s chest, they will even try to move up to suckle. It is natural and common, so I do not see how medical staff of all people, would be shocked to see this happen.
Also the site content is far too many videos, instead of useful parenting articles. Yes, a few cute things are cool, but when that becomes the major content, then I might as well go trawl you-tube myself.
Anyway, enough bashing, I am just hoping it gets better. I still come and read what you have put up. I do really like your Pinterest page.
Hubby’s parents are worrying me again, we have to see them at some stage. Even if they never come to us. It is just such a major issue for us to visit. We have to drive because there is not airport near them. So it is 4 days of driving and we have to buy everything we are going to eat or use, because they cannot afford to host 3 extra people for a week. So the trip just gets more and more irritating for me. It would be easier just to give them money to fly to us and petrol money to get to the airport…..again, do I really want to pay that much to have MIL come harass me in my house? Hubby cannot be bothered one way or the other if we see them, but they are family and we should do it. Hubby even just reduced his leave because he says why should we have them very, it is too expensive. This is not good….everyone is supposed to pine for their parents. I would go see my parents more often if I had loads more money. I see them multiple times a year, hubbies parents we have not seen in 18months. Ah well, I am not likely to force the issue with Hubby.
Talking of Hubby, things are going really well between us. Telling myself I am responsible for my own happiness…..in my head, makes me a better person to live with. I get less upset with Honeybear too.
Trying to wrack my brain to get out of the play date for this week. Nothing yet…..I am open to ideas….I do not want to lie, so I have to find a plausible reason.

Am I superwoman?

Aside

My little one has not cried again today…I think it has been 3 days and we have managed to get him to stop crying. It is such a  relief. The cookies and chatting and promises of the things we are going to do at home after school seem to really be working.  I want to jump for joy I am so happy….and the headaches have reduced a bit…tension and stress maybe?  I am planning a nice quiet weekend for Honeybear and I.  This is hubby’s working weekend so Honeybear will basically only see him on Monday afternoon again….or in the middle of the night.  I know people think it is odd, but we have made it work now.  I have made my peace with the long working hours.  Hubby is a lot more attentive when he is home.  I also do not try to be super woman anymore.  If I am tired, I just go to bed.  I do not stay up every night to see him…again it sounds weird to some people, however, it is better for me just to sleep, instead of being tired and crabby.  I hear hubby come in, I get out of bed to give him a kiss and then go right back to sleep.

Hubby is not offended, and I am less crabby.  We make the hours count when we are together.

What do you do when you have ended up with  a regular playdate you actually do not want?  The child is a bit older and rougher and frankly I find the child a terror.  It is enough dealing with my own child, then I have to deal with another child in my house.  The Mom is ok.  However, she is one of those mom’s who feels free to criticise the way in which I do things.  My house is not good enough, my car is not good enough, I feed my child non-organic and I let him play with a ball in the house.  I wonder what else is not good enough.  Why does she want to come over all the time if we are not good enough, is it to make her feel better about herself?  I am happy with how I raise my child and he is healthy and I do not believe in the organic bandwagon.

The problem is how to get out of these playdates?  I feel forced and it is always at my house.  It is not fair because I am the one left cleaning up after and I am the one that must provide all the appropriate food and it also turns into dinner, when it as just supposed to be tea.  Also, Honeybear always ends up with a few broken toys after.  This is not cool.  I have managed to wriggle out this weekend but I know it will come again, it is not over.

I do not want to lie and make up excuses, but I do not want to do it anymore.  Ugh! Sometimes I just want a quiet weekend.  I like having time to myself. This weekend I have a plan….I am going to make a minion for Honeybear.  He loves Despicable Me movies and I know he will love to have a minion.  We could not find any minion toys at the toy shop and I imagine they would be very expensive.  I need to pay R6000 for my registrations so I actually should not to spend money on things he does not need.  I already have yellow wool and blue wool so it should be easy enough to do, and it will be nice for him to love a toy mama made.  I know I am not superwoman, but sometimes I want to be….and I have these mad tendencies to make a minion instead of buying it.  If it turns out well, I might post a picture.  I am excited, and I think I will start it tonight.

minion

I also have this great pressie for his third birthday (in September)….I am not sure I can wait unitl September.  I know this is really doable and I can easily make this.

www.furniturefashion.com

www.furniturefashion.com

It will be the boy version.

Everyone have a great weekend!  Laugh lots and love even more.

Trying it out again

Hello Bloggies,

I hope everything is working well again.  However, I will persevere and try a post.

Honeybear is still crying every morning.  It really is getting us both down.  He is in tears.  I am in tears.  I do not think it is good for either one of us.  This morning was the first morning in  two weeks that there was some protest without him in a state.  He knows when I am turning into the school and he has already worked himself up.  What did we do different this morning? I gave him cookies in the car and talked about all the things we would do this afternoon when I fetched him.  I asked him the names of his friends.  I hope this is the turning point.  I really do not know what to do.  I know it will not last forever but it feels horrible right now.  The crying has become worse, not better, since the beginning of the year.  It had gotten so bad in the last two weeks, he was crying in the car, for about 15minutes before we get to the school.  I know he stops a few minutes later and he never wants to come home with me.  He is too busy playing and he hugs his teachers before leaving.  I can see that it is separation anxiety, and not the school doing bad things to him.  We have, in fact, stopped the extra activities, because he cries about going to those too.  He does not like change, at all.  I know giving him cookies is not good but at this poit in time, I will do just about anything to make him not cry when I drop him off.

Hubby was late getting home last night.  One of their staff had a miscarriage, at 6 months into her pregnancy.  Just hearing about it, made me so incredibly sad.  I do not know her, and know nothing about her.  She is a young woman.  She started bleeding and she ignored it.  The only time anyone knew anything was wrong was when she was in full labour, and the baby miscarried.  Why?  I do not know.  The paramedics say it was highly likely they could have helped if she had said she was bleeding earlier.  I just assumed all women would see bleeding as a sign of immediate medical care.  I just do not know what she was thinking, maybe she was afraid, or maybe she just did not know bleeding was a sign something was terribly wrong?

Hubby is greatly disturbed.  He came home vomiting and showering and very very sad.  He says he saw the little baby and you could see it was a little baby.  I think it brought home to him the things that could have gone wrong when I went into pre-term labour at 28 weeks.  He told me we were lucky that Honeybear was fine and born a full term baby.  I feel so sad for the lady.

Onto happier things, work is going really well, one month down the line.  I am glad I made the move.  Hubby should have final confirmation about his work in a few days.  Honeybear is growing healthy and is a generally happy little boy.

He has many tantrums and gets to be a wild little animal at times, but I think it is ok.  We manage them.  Yesterday was hard.  I had a bad headache (I get these often, and they are so bad I can hardly function).  It was a trial getting him through to bedtime.  I put him to bed next to me, because it was all I could do to drag myself into bed.  I eventually woke and had a shower when hubby arrived home 4 hours after we had fell asleep.  He eats much better, and just let him have whatever he wants.  I keep a range of things I do not mind him eating…yoghurt, cheese, peanut butter, bananas, cereal, biltong….and I allow him to have anything at anytime.  So if he is not interested in dinner, he can eat anything that is available.  We try not to buy the things we do not want him to eat in the first place, to avoid a tantrum.  He loves bananas, and now that he is tall enough to reach the counter, he helps himself to as many as he wants if I am not looking.

Hubby and I are doing much better, and fighting less.  I know when I have reached my point and need a quiet moment to avoid a fight.  The headaches throw me into a bad mood instantly, and I know I need to lie down as soon as I can.  I try to not let things bother me.  A light bulb moment for me:  We are each responsible for our own happiness and to make things better, we each need to change ourselves, instead of blaming and trying to change the other person.  I try to remember this all the time, and it is amazing how it stops a bad mood before it starts when you realize you have to make the change.  Reminds me of the serenity prayer for AA.

Hope everyone is well, and have not scattered too far.

CANNOT MAKE COMMENTS

I hope someone can help….I cannot post any comments.  First I could not see the CAPTCHA code and now it says it cannot read the token, so I cannot comment on any post at all.  This has started since the maintenance.  SO please EDITOR, I hope you can fix it, because I cannot leave a comment to tell you either.

Intolerance

I just read this article on Parent24 about disciplining other people’s kids.  I am shocked at the comments on those articles!  The intolerance out there.

Just because your child can sit quietly at the table, does not mean that other people’s children can do the same thing.  Children are different.  If you go to a place like Spur, then you expect screaming running children.  That is why that restaurant is so popular with families….so you can eat out in an environment that it is acceptable for your child to run and scream.  If you do not like running screaming children while you are eating out, then do not go to Spur.  If your child is so perfectly behaved and you are bothered by other people’s “badly” behaved children, then go somewhere else.

I am amazed how little tolerance adults have.  I have a two year old child.  We do not go out because it is difficult when he gets upset or has a tantrum.  If you have ever had a child like mine, you will know that there is no reasoning with him when he wants something.  When we are at home, I can send him to his room, but when we are out, I do not know what to do.  Generally, we have to stop whatever we are doing and take him away from the situation, and away from people, and try to get him to calm down.

Sometimes, because you want to do something special, you go out to breakfast.  You think that this is the least offensive time.  It is early, the intolerant people should be asleep still.  You make sure you have toys and crayons and cookies and snacks and you just want to sit down with your husband and have a meal.  So when the waiter offers to babysit for you ( remember the restaurant is not that busy, and Spur employ people to mind your child, they even have special tags on their uniform, in fact they are not waiters, but child minders), you give in so you can have ten minutes to eat quickly before you are back on parent duty.

You do not do this because you are a bad parent, like some of those commentators say.  You do this because you are human and you want a moment to yourself, and when the friendly lady at Spur is holding your smiling child, what could be wrong?  Why take your smiling child from her, to force him to sit at the tabe, so he can scream, and then other intolerant people look at you and think how badly behaved your child is.  They will still say you are a bad parent, because you let the Spur child minder take your child.  Those commentators are so perfect.  Their children probably never have tantrums, and they keep their clothes clean and they sit at the table and use all the cutlery correctly.

I am not a bad parent, I am just a tired parent.  And sometimes, it is nice to have someone else take care of your child while you eat.  Your child is screaming in the the trolley, but I think to myself, is it really important to keep him quiet?  I can still shop and he is safe, and I actually need the groceries, and it is not my fault that the retailers do not design child friendly stores. It is not my fault that there is only one route to the till filled with sweets and chips and it is 20 metres long.  For those people who do not like screaming children, GO SHOP ONLINE! BTW, I do not like to have my child screaming.

I do not fly with my child anymore because of those intolerant people.  The last time we did so, it was 45 minutes of hell to Durban.  My child screamed the whole way.  It was not because I was a bad parent, I had bottles, and a dummy and he was only 2,5 motnhs old.  I ended up breasfeeding him, on the plane, with a shawl over my head, with gentle encourgement from an old tannie.  He was not crying because I did not care, and I wanted to disturb the whole plane, he was crying because he was a child. Most people forget that children are there to be loved and treated gently.  They are not little adults who need to undergo military training so they can keep their clothes clean.  I do not care if my child is screaming in your ear, you are the adult, show some reasoning and do not go to child friendly restaurants and go hire your own private jet.

 

I say thank you to the people who actually understand children:

The lovely lady at the SIlverlakes Checkers, who unpacked my trolley for me because my child was crying and she could see I needed help.

To the lovely car guards who know when to stand back and to fetch you a trolley because you have a toddler having a tantrum

To the Spur staff at the Grove

To the petrol atttendants who wash my windows just to make my son laugh

To all thse people who are just sensitive and understand that sometimes other people just need a smile, instead of your judgemental looks.

PS:  This is my rant post, because, I know I am a good mother, and I know my child is essentially good and there are many errors above, but I am ranting.

 

 

Hello out there….

Hello Bloggies,

I actually wrote a post I was meant to post this morning, but it seems to have disappeared (I obviously did something to it).  I have started  new job which is going really well.  After a month in the previous job, I could see it was not working out.  I worked there 6 months and I now have a new job, I am really enjoying it.

I work a shorter day (for the same salary!).  No rushing about trying to get through traffic.  Honeybear and I are happier, and there is less shouting on my part.  We even have time to cuddle in the morning.  Imagine that!  It has never been an option.  Hubby, the poor man, is still working himself to the bone.  I hope the results start showing soon.  I do not like his long hours, and I miss him terribly.  I worry about him driving home late at night, I cannot sleep the days he is working late.  I am trying really hard to accept it, and we do fight about his hours every so often.  He does try to make up the time he misses, but it does not really work.  I know he has to do this, but sometimes, it is just too much. I will find my peace with it eventually, however, right now I am still working on it.

Honeybear is growing fast.  The talking is improving at a daily rate.  Potty training is not perfect, but well established.  So I do see a future, sans nappies soon.  I am so looking forward to life without poo nappies…..

This does mean I have to have cloths and detergent in a spray bottle to clean up the accidents.  There are fewer accidents and hope is in sight. The crying in the morning is not totally gone yet.  Bribery is working.  This morning there was only a few seconds of hanging onto my leg, before he went to the teacher’s assistant.  I love her!  Honeybear too will make his peace with Mama working eventually.  The holidays make him think I should be home all the time.  Poor child! It is just not an option in our household.

Other than that things are pretty much the same as it has always been.  I have been writing this post all day, and I guess I do not have too much more to say.

Smack or not?

I read an interesting article about the smack or not to smack debate.  I know most people tend to feel strongly one way or the other.  I am a believer in not smacking.  Yes, I was smacked as a child, and I do not think it harmed me in any way, I do not love my parents any less. I just believe in going with my instinct as a mother.  It does not feel right to me to smack my child.  The same way I felt the need to breastfeed and to allow my child to sleep in our bed.  The same way I felt it was not wrong to carry my baby and to rock him to sleep and to allow him to have a dummy.

It is about personal choices.  If it works for your family and everyone is healthy and happy, what does it matter what anyone else has to say.

For me smacking is a huge no-no.  What do you do when smacking does not work, what does it escalate to?  Yes I do shout and I hate that I do it.  It feels so wrong when I shout at my child.

Yes Honeybear has tantrums, but so do children who are smacked.  I deal with it by allowing Honeybear to have a fit if that is the way he needs to get through his frustration at this age.  It cannot go on and on and depends what it is about.  If I feel angry, I send him to his room so we are both out of the tense situation.

Usually he just needs attention.  Yesterday we had a chocolate tantrum, but which child has never had one of those.  It is understandable.  I feel that as the parent, I am the one that needs to exercise control, and hopefully in that way, I can teach my child an appropriate vent for his frustrations.   Me hitting Honeybear is more likely out of my own frustration.

It is interesting that people tend to feel so strongly about these issues.

In other news, we finally bought a new car (out of desperation).  However, my old trusty blue is still what I prefer to drive.  Hubby is loving a new car.

Honeybear surprises me everyday with the things he knows.  He has been sleeping with us since the hailstorm.  His room has broken windows, I think we are at the bottom of the waiting list for replacement glass.  He loves the dummy still and since he has been sick, the potty training took a few steps back.  However, we are getting back on track slowly, keeping the approach of gentle introduction.

I have been very tired these last few weeks, dealing with all the issues we have and a sick child, but 2 weeks left…..then I can spend a week with my parents.  I cannot wait to get there.