You are browsing the archive for 2012 June.




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by Nats

Beautiful Poem

June 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

My other cousins son just posted this on his FB wall, so perfect for this boy.

The time has come to move along
To God’s heaven, from this Earth,
You leave us young and beautiful,
Not even aware yet, of all your worth.

Your smile reached out and touched all hearts,
And your peaceful, caring ways,
You always strived for excellence,
Never ceasing to amaze.

You will be missed by many,
Though your days on Earth were few,
You touched the lives of all you met,
You lived your life so true.

Even though you’re dancing
With the angels in the sky,
Every time the clouds rain
We’ll think of you and cry.

We’ll speak your name quite often,
And we’ll remember who you are,
You’ll forever live in our memories…
Our bright and shining, heavenly star.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Avatar of Nats

by Nats

Beautiful Poem

June 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

My other cousins son just posted this on his FB wall, so perfect for this boy.

The time has come to move along
To God’s heaven, from this Earth,
You leave us young and beautiful,
Not even aware yet, of all your worth.

Your smile reached out and touched all hearts,
And your peaceful, caring ways,
You always strived for excellence,
Never ceasing to amaze.

You will be missed by many,
Though your days on Earth were few,
You touched the lives of all you met,
You lived your life so true.

Even though you’re dancing
With the angels in the sky,
Every time the clouds rain
We’ll think of you and cry.

We’ll speak your name quite often,
And we’ll remember who you are,
You’ll forever live in our memories…
Our bright and shining, heavenly star.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Avatar of Nats

by Nats

RIP Little Angel

June 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

My mom just phoned me, my cousin’s son just passed away. I feel so sad for the child. He was borrowed to us for much longer than any dr. ever predicted.

RIP little guy, you were an angel send to this earth to teach us about unconditional love and patience and a lust for life. I might have lost connection with you and your family, but you were always in my thoughts and prayers. Your smile will live on its legacy in your beautiful photos and imprints in many hearts.

He had a cerebral palsy with a few other conditions, not sure right now what exactly everything was. Dr’s didn’t think he would live for very long, but this little guy pushed through and showed everyone that HE CAN.

My heart goes out to my cousin and her family during this time, he was her life and no matter how difficult things was for her, she always had a smile, big hugs to all of you xxxx

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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by Nats

Our Journey hits wobble 99 thousand and 10…

June 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

I feel like crying, my head is so full of stuff that it wants to explode!

So, like you know in my previous post, we’ve been battling to find CLOMID, Clicks Medicines Online said this morning that they could deliver it, but only on Thursday, that is the day I am supposed to take my last CLOMID pill for this cycle.

Firstly, thank you so much for your help and time Lunar, really appreciate it.  The conclusion to that is, which I will mail to you now, or it should come through any minute now is, I have some silly allergy thing to generics, it throws my whole system out of whack, this happened with generic Glucophage, and it caused major issues with me, so doc said rather to not take a chance.

Anyways, WHY IS IT SO HARD to find Clomid?!  Why does the devil have to be in our waters, so busy, yet again?!  I’m not saying that someone else must go through this, trust me, I wouldn’t even wish this on my worst enemy, but really, just give us a break PLEASE!!  I know we need to carry on swimming, but really, this is not only straining me emotionally, but it’s straining my marriage, my life, everything, I am starting to hate things people say or do, which I really shouldn’t, but I just cannot help, I just feel so helpless.  I’ve been a teary mess since Monday and I don’t feel any better after today.

I know that things happen for a reason and that I should trust God’s plan, but this is just so freaken hard, and I hate that I cannot just open and let it all out on here, some things must be left unspoken.

Sorry, yet another morbid pity me post.  My head is just exploding, maybe this is just not meant to be.

I don’t want to give up, and I know it is only the devil doing all these morbid things in my mind, but my energy to fight him off has just faded :(

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by Nats

The Visit

June 19, 2012 in Uncategorized

So we went to the gyneacologist yesterday, I’m not ovulating properly again, which means that I have to go on CLOMID, we will try that now and see from there what is going on. I don’t know how to feel about everything, but I suppose we are taking another step ahead.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but obviously it was not the outcome I would have wanted, but, we have to soldier on.  One good thing at least is, the cysts are not getting any bigger, which is a good thing, which means my resistance to eat food that you are not supposed to eat, is working.  Right ovary is not doing any work at all, left one is working hard, but she’s under pressure.  Like I said, I don’t know what to make of it all yet, but we are taking a next step by taking the pills, if we can find it, that said too.

We went to 4 different pharmacies yesterday, not one stocked CLOMID, how stupid is that?!  Hubby stripped himself terribly for the one lady at Dischem, she had a problem dividing my medication for repeats and will the stupid thing not raise her voice to me when I said to her that I cannot take 400 pills for one pill at once.

Another thing, I have to go on a higher dose of Glucophage, but a slow releasing one, so we are hoping that, that would also work.  Still on Folic Acid, and my conception vitamin, so somewhere something should be working, I really hope and pray.  This journey is so rough, and really tests the foundation of your marriage.

I have such a tension migraine today, this morning my big boss asked me what’s going on and I just kind of broke down about everything, suppose it was going to happen some or other time, I feel a bit better about it now, but ja, you cannot tell them absolutely everything I suppose, for now, I have to work through the stuff I cannot speak about. 
 
Only God can help us through this and only He knows what he has planned for us, I know we need to be patient, but it is hard.  Even this thing of not finding Clomid, I don’t know if I should be taking it as a sign or what, but we have waited so long for this decision to take the first step, treating the other issues first, and now this.

Argh, this post is just not good today, sorry, just wanted to update you quick, if you are still reading my post, thank you so much, I feel like I have just been complaining and been very selfish of late, this is just hard.

LOL, can you believe that I cannot remember where to blog on the actual site?!  Doing this from my phone again…LOL…

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by Nats

Monday is the day…

June 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

So…Monday is my appointment with the gynie, OMW the nerves are kicking in but I am quite excited about our way forward from here.

Lol I had to laugh at my colleagues now, they all wanted to smell my stress pills, hehe, they said that I don’t have to drink it at all, just a sniff of it will take all my stresses away ;-) It’s all herbal, so not the best smelling, but it does wonders for me.

I shall either post on Monday or Tuesday about the gynie results, I’m hoping all is good and that our twinkle baby’s home is ready for him/her to come now.

Hubby had a little accident with the car yesterday, nothing major, but shame, poor oak feels so bad about it, strangely enough I’m very calm, its just a car really, he didn’t get hurt, and that’s all that matters.

Will be spending Sunday with the in laws, and after a phone call from SIL yesterday I’m really not in the mood, my nerves about Monday is making me very edgy, but nouja, we have to go. Told hubby we can go see my parents next week rather, one set of family is enough for one day. Future BIL is also going to be there with his son, and I just know for sure that between all of them and their comments they going to be sending me in a tear driven stage, and that I will only do alone in the bath.

Please pray for us that next year hubby can celebrate daddy day too!!! My heart is sommer getting sore just thinking about this.

Ag, no use moping about it I suppose, I just feel an immense guilt that my stupid body couldn’t give my wonderful husband a child yet, it is heartbreaking. He doesn’t say or show anything but I can see it hurts him too. When we get through this I know that our marriage will be stronger than ever, it is just hard.

Anyways too much morbidity for a FRIDAY!!

Sorry that I haven’t replied on your posts yet, still learning this whole WP thing and our IT department thinks that they’ve employed me ;-/ Actually typing this on my phone in a IT meeting ;-)

Need to go, they getting suspicious ;-)

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by Nats

Blogging from my phone, that’s how we roll ;-)

June 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

Lol, ok, I’m still learning, but I think it might be easier blogging from my wordpress app than on the internet itself, maybe its just me. I haven’t had a chance to look around properly yet.

I had a major IT thing to do today, but thank goodness that is finished now, now I need to work at the speed of light to catch up with my finance work, but I decided I need a bit of a break and checking out the new blogs thingy.

Lots that I want to say but time is still very limited…

Cheers for now ;-)

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by Nats

The road so far – Chapter 2 on our TTC journey…

June 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

(Insert carry on my wayward son lyrics here) <–yes I’ve been watching too much Supernatural Wink

So, it’s taken me a while to do this, but deep inside I just felt that the time wasn’t right yet, until last week Thursday, something just told me; “OK, go ahead, book that long awaited appointment with the gyneacologist”.  We have after our last appointment, said that we will discuss the journey ahead in this appointment, so I am quite excited of the road ahead. 

Why have I waited so long?! Undecided  I really cannot tell you, but I believe that it was God telling me to wait, and considering after the health issues I’ve had, I think that, that was the best decision for us then.

I am waiting patiently for this appointment while getting other areas of my life on the right track again, like I said, things went a bit haywire in the past few months, and it will take time to get everything in the right place again, but we will get there. Smile

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by Nats

What’s been cooking in this pot…

June 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

I guess I owe myself and you an explanation on why I haven’t blogged in…well a while.  There’s a few things that took drastic changes in our life, and although I am not going to blurt it all out on here, my marriage is between me and hubby, not me and the world, but all I can say, is that this TTC journey is HARD and it can make or break a relationship, thank God that we are both stubborn enough to push through this and adamant that we will come out stronger on the other side of this trying journey.  And yes, there might be even more tougher times ahead for us, but I know that we will be ok.

Work wise, things have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, there is stories that we either going to be moving to Pretoria or that head office might close completely, so ja, it’s been hectic stress of job things, people are resigning and unhappy and others love to gossip and get everyone’s nerves up even more, I have decided to try and not stress about this any longer as it is not good for my health and well life for that matter, if we happen to move, we will work something out, if we close, well, we will cross that bridge when we get there.

Family, well there is where I still seriously need to make the line bigger and not allow anyone to cross it.  My family, yes, nothing’s changed, let’s just say that the sheep clothes have gotten even nicer, and the wolves even more bad, but nouja, I will not allow for them to run my life for me any longer, and yes, they might get even more nasty, but so be it.  A few weeks ago something happened which just snapped a few strings in me with them, and ja, that is not something that will get fixed soon, if I now try or not, they are pushed to the background where they belong and although at times it might still hurt, I’ve had enough of them hurting me and treating me like crap, they have ruined my life up until now, I will not allow this to go any further.

In laws, FIL has been sitting without a “job” since February, so yes, we are stressing and I am looking for jobs for him, but there as well, they’re “non-planning” is not my/our problem, we will help where we can, just like with my family, but getting into debt for any family is just not on. 

Good news there is, SIL got engaged on Saturday, I still do not know what to make of her fiancé, but there again, it is not my place to say how I really feel about him, so I’ll take my nose out of their business and not interfere, I just hope that he makes her truly happy, she’s been hurt enough in her life.

MIL is still adamant in telling us how to make babies, I swear if she could tell us which position to use she would, although I must count those words, as I’ve said before that she might tell us when, and on Sunday she actually told us that “Dr. Oz” says that you must do it at 7 in the morning. 

JA…I have no words left. 

We went to a buffet on Sunday with the in-laws, to celebrate SIL’s birthday as well as their engagement, and me and hubby got sick, did I mention before that I HATE buffets (everyone’s spitty breaths and grubby hands in the food)?! 

Anyoldhow, after that, we went to see some houses that her fiancé wanted to go see, it was awkward having so many people look at a house, but ja, really nothing WOW.  There was one place where the cat’s poop box was in the one room, dirty and all, I was totally grossed out.  We also have a cat, but we clean his poop box every single day, not the most wonderful task to do, but it is much more hygienic.  Anyways, to say I was grossed out is an understatement.

Needless to say, the buffet made us sick, man down for 2 days, I slept so much these 2 days that I’m wondering if I’m going to sleep for the rest of the week. 

Sleep is not on my top priority list of importance of late, so my mind wanders to other areas of life when I’m supposed to sleep.  My blood pressure has also been acting up, and I feel on a constant “trip” of dizziness, it’s no fun, but I pretend that I had lots of happy juice ;)

CA (thanks Helen) is not talking to me, she hates is when I’m on leave, she has to work a bit you see, ag I really cannot be bothered right now about it….

Minkerdoodle went to visit his sister this weekend, I had to laugh at myself, Friday night after SIL picked him up, I cried, “don’t you dare laugh” ;-)   I actually said something on FB that the babies must come now ;-)   Hubby was working their month end and I just felt so totally alone and empty.  MIL gave me a BIG speech on Sunday about how her grandchildren MUST visit her on a weekend, (sleeping over) after I said that I cannot leave Minx there by SIL another night.  Thank goodness we were still at the buffet, so I just walked off.

I’m sure there is plenty more things that I wanted to tell you, but now I forgot.  Got side tracked again…will update soon…

Well that is my sugar coated-watered down version of a few things that’s been going on, maybe one day I can reveal all, but for now, this is all I can open up about Sealed

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