Our Journey To Parenthood

Doc phoned me yesterday again…long story…

Verdict is that I have traces of the Coxsacki virus in my blood, but they cannot do anything about it, and it shouldn’t affect our cycle or possible pregnancy with having this while using Fertomed.

Doc is very concerned about my stress levels though, need to go see him next week (when we had time), because he thinks that I’m falling into a deep pit of depression and I need to sort that out, he asked a few questions, and while answering him I realized that he might be right. I know that there is just so many things in my life that needs to be sorted, and I know that I’ve been feeling down, but after speaking to the doc and hubby, I realized that I just don’t live anymore, my life is 80% consisting of sorting out other peoples happiness. Yes my family is most of that percentage. I just wish I knew how to switch off from them. It is ridiculous how all this have made me so sick, and my health just deteriorates because of others. Not right.

So the plan is for me to sort out my health while keeping in mind that we are trying for a baba, and make a plan to get this thing with my family sorted out once and for all. I am just so tired of the fighting and ugliness, I’m sure not even enemies get that nasty. Argh just working myself up thinking about it…

Hubby went to play paint ball with some friends from his work today, sounds like they had loads of fun, hehe, he looked quite sexy in his “uniform”. Thought I’m just going to laze around, but the house is spring cleaned, cooked for 3 days, extra dishes made for late nights, made his favorite peanut butter biscuits and cleaned the stoep that was in a layer of sandy dust…again…oh and did a little craft project we’ve got some cool looking coasters now

Now, I am battling to keep my eyes open, lol, waiting for my sticky (from the paint balls) hubby to come home, missed him today…He had month end yesterday, only got home after 12.

Talking about hubs, must look what to make for dinner…

And feed the two little monsters (Minx’s sis is visiting this weekend)…

Anyways let me be off, will catch up soon again.

That is what happened on Saturday, after a dr. filled week last week, I went to yet another dr. on Saturday…so let’s start at the beginning.
Saturday the 14th, I noticed a rash starting on my legs, didn’t pay much attention to it, as I thought it might just be winter dryness, which sometimes causes me to get this rash.  I was battling with fevers since Thursday night, and flu symptoms since the week before. 

Monday morning, I noticed that this rash had spread quite badly and looked even worse than before, left it, thinking ok, must go to the dr. which we did that night.  He asked a few questions, looked at it from an angle (probably scared he might catch something) and sent me for blood tests, which we could only do on Tuesday as the blood test area was already closed.  Tuesday I woke up with the mother of all migraines, couldn’t see out of my left eye at all, needless to say, had to stay at home and sleep it off, pumped full of migraine meds.

Wednesday went back to work, but was burning out, manager sent me home, had to change as my clothes was dampy from the fever, gross I know.  Took a bath, thinking that it would maybe help and just plonked on the bed for the rest of the day.

Thursday, after battling a night of fevers again, had to stay at home, dr.’s orders.  Friday, at home again, but started feeling a little better, Friday night, battled with a hectic fever with all those lovely accompanying body pains.  Hubby wanted to take me to the dr. again, but I said, let’s just wait.  Saturday woke up feeling really crappy.  We booked an appointment at a new dr. as previously mentioned dr. still didn’t know what it was, he tested for measles, which is what the rash looked like, and he found that there was a infection somewhere, but couldn’t pinpoint it.

We finally found what seems to be great family dr. that we will be going to from now on. 

He listened to all the things (symptoms, etc.), phoned for a copy of my blood tests and checked everything.  He did the whole examination, noticed that my blood pressure was high (again, it was high on Monday too).

Diagnosis was that he would do further blood tests for “Coxsackie” virus, Glandular Fever and something else, cannot remember everything.  He then told me that I also have a “very angry” tummy and that “I am my own worst enemy”, cause my stressing is affecting my health in a very bad way and I am on the verge of either a stroke or heart attack if I carry on the way I am now.  This is where the heading comes from.  I have always known that the stress in my life is affecting me very badly health wise and that this will and have caused serious issues.  It was just a bit of a shocker that someone who knew no history of me could pinpoint all these things and tell me that I am ruining my health by stressing about everything.
So, I’m still not 100% better with whatever “viral infection” I’ve got or had, but we’ll get there.  Once I am 100% better again, I have to go back for a whole new range of tests to check my overall health and also cholesterol etc.
I’m really hoping we can sort all these niggly health issues out now, so tired of something being wrong, I know 90% of my health issues are stress related, but I have not found a way to deal with stress appropriately yet, that is without killing someone in the family who is putting a big % of stress on me ;(
Anyways…moving on, I am excited and nervous and happy that we’ve finally reached this point, will be starting with Fertomed tomorrow, I’m in a bit of a turmoil whether I should or not, I know in my heart that my health issues are all just related to stressing about EVERYTHING, but I will never forgive myself should that harm our unborn very much planned child.  Wish I could just get a magic broom and sweep all this out of my mind and life.  I really need a way to deal with what is going on in my life, blogging used to help for that, but now I kind of feel a bit violated after a few people discovered my blog.  O well, will have to see what I can do.
Minkerdoodle is doing great, he snuggled very closely with me last week, spent nearly all my time at home just lying in/on bed, managed to cook very quick not very healthy dinners, but hey its food, and I wasn’t going to let hubby come home late from work and still cook, he wasn’t very impressed with me, but not in a bad way, LOL.
I am so in the mood for a stringy cheesy pizza…and I don’t like cheese…but I can guarantee you that if you put it in front of me, I’ll have a few bites and that’s it.. Appetite has gone out the window, not that it’s a bad thing
Talking much nonsense now….need to see what needs to get done tomorrow for work. 

Oh, and I’ve been a stalker of late, been reading your posts but not commenting much…SORRY…

Hmm, where to start, lol, it seems that I leave all the catching up and then once in a while its bam, all things quickly typed.

Ok, so, let’s start at ttc.

I got the pills, finally, and will only start with my next cycle, if that starts, (read a bit further on).  I’m quite excited about this, and I’m hoping and praying that this works for us, to tell you that I am gatvol of needles is an understatement, and if these pills don’t work, then that is the route we will have to go.  I am confident that this will work for us, so, we’ll see.

A friend of mine who also started on this, last month, did fall pregnant on Clomid, but it seems like the pregnancy counting is not picking up, she’s amazingly strong about it, but keeping very busy, so I know that she is feeling very heartbroken about this, wish I could be there for her.  The world is so cruel!!

Then, talking about a cruel world, I don’t like to discuss family stuff on here any longer, but I just hope that a certain date in August, brings calm and peace to a certain family aspect that’s been going on for quite some time now, this is breaking my heart the way a certain family member is behaving, posting and saying ugly things on FB and BBM, long story short, I hope and pray for peace every day regarding this.

Health.  I have no idea why, but since last week, I’ve been battling with flu symptoms, fevers and a bad rash that seems to be spreading, which started on my legs, it is incredibly itchy and burning and sore.  I was at the dr. on Monday and yesterday, but he cannot give me anything for it, we need to wait for my next cycle to start, as he is scared that if I am maybe by a miracle pregnant, whatever he gives me can harm baba, so in the mean time, I am wishing a 1000 fleas onto him to feel what it feels like.  Yesterday they did blood test, took nearly 8 tubes of blood, might’ve been more, so now we wait.  He also did do tests for measles, even though I did get my vaccinations against that.  We’ll see, I just really hope that they can get a cure for whatever this is sorted out.  He did put me on very mild antibiotics, but that is really not helping at all for anything.  Yesterday I had such a bad migraine, couldn’t see out of my left eye at all.  Today I am back at work, after being at home yesterday, and I’m feeling really bad again, itchy, headache, nausea and fever with all the accompanying stuff of the flu.  The dr. diagnosed a viral infection for now.  To say I am annoyed is an understatement.

Then, my little niece is in hospital, the oldest one, they couldn’t break her fever last night, and she’s complaining of headaches and earache.  I am glad she’s in hospital, so that a proper dr. can see to her and get her right.  I know not a nice thing to say that she’s in there, but really, my parents’s house dr.  I don’t trust at all.  I don’t know if I must go to see her or not, because whatever this crappy virus thing is that I have, I don’t want to give to her, although it doesn’t seem that hubby is getting it, will have to wait for the call on the blood tests and just keep in contact telephonically.

I’m actually quite upset with a certain family member for not telling me about this sooner, she’s very quick to make troubles for people on BBM and FB, but something important like this, she doesn’t let you know about.  Quite frankly, I am just feeling too sick to deal with that aspect for now, and anyways, main and most important thing is for my little niece to get better.

And now I’ve totally lost track…stupid headache is starting again….

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Hmm, where to start, lol, it seems that I leave all the catching up and then once in a while its bam, all things quickly typed.

Ok, so, let’s start at ttc.

I got the pills, finally, and will only start with my next cycle, if that starts, (read a bit further on).  I’m quite excited about this, and I’m hoping and praying that this works for us, to tell you that I am gatvol of needles is an understatement, and if these pills don’t work, then that is the route we will have to go.  I am confident that this will work for us, so, we’ll see.
A friend of mine who also started on this, last month, did fall pregnant on Clomid, but it seems like the pregnancy counting is not picking up, she’s amazingly strong about it, but keeping very busy, so I know that she is feeling very heartbroken about this, wish I could be there for her.  The world is so cruel!!

Then, talking about a cruel world, I don’t like to discuss family stuff on here any longer, but I just hope that a certain date in August, brings calm and peace to a certain family aspect that’s been going on for quite some time now, this is breaking my heart the way a certain family member is behaving, posting and saying ugly things on FB and BBM, long story short, I hope and pray for peace every day regarding this.

Health.  I have no idea why, but since last week, I’ve been battling with flu symptoms, fevers and a bad rash that seems to be spreading, which started on my legs, it is incredibly itchy and burning and sore.  I was at the dr. on Monday and yesterday, but he cannot give me anything for it, we need to wait for my next cycle to start, as he is scared that if I am maybe by a miracle pregnant, whatever he gives me can harm baba, so in the mean time, I am wishing a 1000 fleas onto him to feel what it feels like.  Yesterday they did blood test, took nearly 8 tubes of blood, might’ve been more, so now we wait.  He also did do tests for measles, even though I did get my vaccinations against that.  We’ll see, I just really hope that they can get a cure for whatever this is sorted out.  He did put me on very mild antibiotics, but that is really not helping at all for anything.  Yesterday I had such a bad migraine, couldn’t see out of my left eye at all.  Today I am back at work, after being at home yesterday, and I’m feeling really bad again, itchy, headache, nausea and fever with all the accompanying stuff of the flu.  The dr. diagnosed a viral infection for now.  To say I am annoyed is an understatement.

Then, my little niece is in hospital, the oldest one, they couldn’t break her fever last night, and she’s complaining of headaches and earache.  I am glad she’s in hospital, so that a proper dr. can see to her and get her right.  I know not a nice thing to say that she’s in there, but really, my parents’s house dr.  I don’t trust at all.  I don’t know if I must go to see her or not, because whatever this crappy virus thing is that I have, I don’t want to give to her, although it doesn’t seem that hubby is getting it, will have to wait for the call on the blood tests and just keep in contact telephonically.

I’m actually quite upset with a certain family member for not telling me about this sooner, she’s very quick to make troubles for people on BBM and FB, but something important like this, she doesn’t let you know about.  Quite frankly, I am just feeling too sick to deal with that aspect for now, and anyways, main and most important thing is for my little niece to get better.

And now I’ve totally lost track…stupid headache is starting again….

I have no idea what is happening to life, but look, we are already in the middle of 2012!! 

Had a humongous fight yesterday with Clicks Direct Medicines and Discovery, I really do not know what is happening to service in this country.  Clicks delivered the totally wrong medication last week, after I waited a week for them to deliver, they also did not deliver the Clomid they promised they would.  On Friday I phoned loads of pharmacies etc, and only after the 30

th one did the gynie give the go ahead to use the generic (Fertomed) or something in that line.  To tell I was p*off is an understatement.

Anyways, we will only be starting next month, as it was too late to take it for this cycle.  I know everything happens for a reason, and I believe that there was a reason for all this too.

I also believe that God sent us a signal yesterday to change medical aids, firstly, we got an email from our broker that he is leaving Discovery, (we’ve been looking at changing our policies to another service provider for a while now) and secondly, the way the operator treated hubby in regards with the Clicks Direct Medicines issue, was just all a go ahead for us to start looking out for a new medical aid and life policy companies.  We also have an investment thingy with Discovery, which I am not happy with, so this all was just the last straw with Discovery.  We’ve had to pay in more money for all my theatre costs than they paid, and they also only cover 70% of the costs to the gynie visit last month.  I am not happy with their service at all.  So I’ll start hunting and doing my homework thoroughly with regards to this, I am so scared of making a mistake, but I am not happy with our current standings to our medical aid and investments and policies.

Talking about homework, 2 things, firstly, I have to seriously start revising my learners again!!  Yes, I am writing it for the 5

th time I think now, not that I have failed any of them, I got them each and every time, I just never got my license, life just kind of got in the way, which is why I said this year, no courses at work, no new jobs, I need to get my license and sort out TTC, LOL.
 
Then, I have no idea where this fits into homework…

I made a behavior chart for my two nieces, my parents sometimes struggle to keep the line being grandparents and parenting the two, and the little one see that faded line very clearly, so she keeps my mom on her toes, which is not right.  I had a talk to the both of them and we agreed on a few things/perks if they behave, now where I made the mistake was, to not get this on time to them, so little one has been at it, giving my mom issues.  Sunday after the birthday party I explained to all of them again how it works, with stickers and all.  I really hope it works.  It is unfair on my parents.

That is another whole blog post on its own…

I cannot remember what else I wanted to chat about now…will have to make a list

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