Sooooo…. on Friday afternoon we left home at 16:50 just in case there was traffic due to the roads only opening at 14:00 after the march. And we got to the hospital at 17:00 – the roads were deserted except for a lone car here and there… And then we got to the hospital and the parking lot was half empty. As we entered the rooms, there were a couple of people and after about 5 mins a lady came out, and two of the people waiting got up to leave with her. Then the next one went in, taking her entire entourage with her… so Hubby and I were sitting there all alone, wondering if someone else was coming. And the receptionist told us that we’re the last patients for the day! She was so happy that they were actually having an early night!
So in we went, right on schedule. And Doc was also in such a happy mood, chatting about the stupidity of the march (sorry) and the rugby and his hopes for the Lions to win (goooooo Lions!!!) and then off we went to check Caleb.
This little man picked up an entire kilo in two weeks – he went from 2.2kg to 3.2kg. He measured and weighed in at 38 weeks 3 days, and the Doc said he can make his appearance any time from the 10th of November. So it’s good that I’m going on leave on Thursday. And we were talking about labor options and he did this thing where he grabbed hold of Caleb’s head from the outside and started shaking us vigorously – it hurt so bad I swear I was going to effing kill that doctor! He apologized but said that Caleb’s head is still loose; not engaged yet so anything can still happen. When we left, the skies were so dark and ominous and just as we got home, the thunderstorm broke. And on Saturday night… and last night! It was wonderful! And so heavy that I even got scared
I’ve reached the point that I really DON’T want a c-section!!!! And I’ve been praying non-stop about it, but I finally realized that I need to stop obsessing about it and let it go! God knows my heart and I trust that everything will work out. Because the devil likes to play on people’s fears and seeing to it that you get exactly what you fear! So I’m chilling out now, and just concentrating on getting work done before end of the day Thursday.
My bag is finally packed with everything I need, except my toiletries and cellphone charger. I need to also get a book and stock up on puzzle books. I might not have time for them, but you never know!
Rape has become a national sport. The rape of a Tuks student in her own home where she was brutally stabbed and then raped for her cellphone and laptop. The brutal gang rape of a 17 year old girl in the North West, after which her throat was cut and she was tied naked to a tree. Louise De Waal, raped and then murdered and set alight in a field. I have no words. I am filled with horrible sadness when I think about the brutality of this, of how these women’s lives are ruined forever.
When it happened to me, at least it wasn’t brutal like these women had to go through… I was basically date-raped by a guy who thought waiting for me in the hall while in the bathroom and then grabbing me when I came out would be okay ‘because we know each other, right?’ … I won’t go into detail but I was in such shock of what was happening that the few times I said ‘no’ actually seems feeble and not really trying to protect myself… I didn’t realize for three years what actually happened to me. But afterwards I told my friend who was with me at the braai that we’ve got to leave. I didn’t feel right inside. My heart was heavy and I just wanted to flee. The guy went outside to his buddies and no doubt bragged about the score he just got. We just left. I didn’t tell her anything, just dropped her off and went home. That night I was home alone (my brother and I lived together then and he was at SIL’s) and for some reason the cats all went into one of those hair-rasing screaming fits at 02:00 – I woke up with such a horrible presence of fear and depression over me and the next morning I just couldn’t get up – I was crying uncontrollably and I didn’t know why. Finally I just took my bottle of calming pills and was sitting with them all in my hands, ready to take them when my brother sms’ed me. I told him to just get home, otherwise they will find me dead. I just couldn’t face what happened to me, and my mind blocked it out for three years. I somehow kept going, but changed forever.
I only realized what truly happened last year November. And since then I’m able to talk about it, because it set me free, acknowledging that I got hurt and knowing that the bastard who did it will forever be responsible and will be held accountable one day. And it turns out I wasn’t the only one. He’s raped a litany of girls who thought that he was their friend.
I know this doesn’t even comes close to the horror those girls faced… But it did affect me in ways I can’t describe, and it’s also affected my sex life with my husband. He knows about it and he understands but I know it’s difficult for him. I try in my own way to give him what he needs but it’s a struggle.
Regardless, my heart bleeds for the girls and their horror… and the tough road that lies ahead for them May God keep them close to His heart. I’m sure His heart is just as broken as mine. But I’m a survivor and God is helping me every single day with my issues.
I’m praying for each and every woman out there today, for safety. May the angels cue formation behind you, in front of you and may each and every piece of scum out there be struck by blindness.
My fourth last day at work – what a morbid post. Sorry guys. And what a way to start this week – our office is flooded and it smells horrible in here. And our desks got the worst of it. Luckily I can sit in Manager Lady’s office and work.
Have a good day ladies! Be safe, please.