You are browsing the archive for 2012 May.

From Ladee

May 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

She asked me to post this so that you all can see how beautiful and grown-up little Madison is getting. She also says thanks for all your love and support that you sent when I updated you on what is happening with her and DC.

She’s taking a step back from DC and letting him visit Maddy. I don’t know what’s going to happen forward but I do think that DC is starting to realize just how wrong he’s been, and how wrong his family is. He told her that he wished they could both just wake up next to each other and that this was all just a bad dream. I believe he’s coming to, and I want to ask you all to keep Ladee and Maddy in your thoughts and prayers. I’m really looking forward to having her back on the blogs soon, I really mis her. She’s sending out her cv to ever place she can find, which is good. She can’t keep workingin that poisonous environment, what with that other crazy colleague of her craving all of DC’s attention and the bosses faffing over her when they treat Ladee like crap.

Little Maddy is one of the most beautiful baby girls I’ve ever seen and I hope that things get sorted out. It’s not right for a baby girl to grow up without her daddy.



Immense sadness

May 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

I’ve been avoiding News24 and Beeld. I just don’t want to know about the horrible things that happen in the world anymore. Especially not toward children. And today I made a grave error. I went on to Beeld to see what they had to say about the rising food prices. And there was an article about the forensic pathologist who carried little Wiehan Botes to the coroner’s van… and there was a photo of him carrying that poor little body wrapped in a blue blanket. It made something in me snap. And the tears flowed uncontrollably. My heart broke for the parents who waited 8 years for that baby boy. And the next article… his funeral and the absolutely beautiful tribute to him that his parents wrote. It made me cry even more. That a poor innocent little baby had to be marred, violated, taken away from his loving parents by heartless thugs who don’t deserve to live. Who deserve to be hanged up by their genitals and left to die. I’m sorry, my heart is so sore. There was a photo of his father carrying that little white coffin. By that stage I was crying so hard that when M came in, she was quite alarmed, she thought I’d gotten bad news. Yes, I saw pictures of a family rent apart by a senseless crime. Probably caused by a money dispute. How can you murder innocent people over money… especially a baby. Not even animals do this. I say it every time… I hope the horrible excuses of human lives who did this, never ever sleep again. I hope their crime haunts them until the day they die, and into eternity.

And of course, I’m not forgetting the day mother, Mrs. De Goede. She was doing the best job in the world, looking after beautiful precious little children, giving herself for others. Ma’am, I salute you. You will never be forgotten.

And on News24 there was an article about two children also being murdered in an attack on a family. A 12-year old girl and a one year old boy. And at the bottom, in the comments, everyone just assumed that it was a racial attack. This country is in a slump of racial decay, black against white, white against black. When we were all created by the same God, we think one is better than the rest. That is utter bullshit. The hand that murders or steals, no matter what color it is, will be condemned to an eternity in hell – well, those that don’t repent. Problem is, repentance won’t bring back the life that was ripped away and I think that is why people find forgiveness to be such a hard thing to do.

To little baby Wiehan… you are safe now in God’s arms. You are with your other siblings and your mommy and daddy will see you again one day, safe with each other and happy for eternity. To Mrs. De Goede, you are reunited with your dear husband and your son, and one day you will see your daughters again. There is no more sorrow, no more pain.

God never sleeps… that is one promise that I’m counting on. And while I want to see my son grow up, I can’t wait for the day He comes to take us all away from this sick world.



This and that

May 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

Can’t Discovery and History channel make better shows? Who wants to see Hillbilly Handfishing… or Queen and Country? Boring!! We pay almost R 600-00 a month for DStv and the quality of the shows just get stupider and more idiotic. Can you imagine being a camera man on these shows? I’d die with boredom. Now, American Chopper is a good show and it’s interesting. But the same movies get repeated to death and some of them I know off by heart already.

We’re watching Caleb doing his face-plant leopard crawl to get to a plastic bottle right now. Apparently he slithers all over the place at creche. His hair is getting thicker and darker. I posted on Facebook yesterday that I can’t wait for 16:00 to come each day so that I can be reunited with the biggest part of my heart that’s left in someone else’s hands. It’s so lovely to just hold this little body to your chest and hear his giggles and see his smile. He’s also blowing raspberries with his lips!

I’m buying Isomil this month. I just can’t sit by and watch and hear my baby cough like this anymore. S26 is powdered cows milk and that causes phlegm. And shame on me for only doing this now… there’s still some left of the S26 but it is criminal what I’m doing to my baby. So Isomil it is.

Also tried Cuddlers nappies last night. They’ve been lying in Caleb’s closet since waaaaaaaaay before his birth and I scoffed at them. And we realized last night that we’re all out of Huggies Gold and I haven’t made our grocery run yet, so Hubby dug through the closet and found this. So we tried it. Over the weekend Friend’s Wife said that her son never had any problems with Cuddlers. They withstood the enormous amounts of pee and poo and are cheaper than Huggies or Pampers. So this morning I took off Caleb’s nappy and it had contained all the pee nicely. Not sure how it will fare with his poo, especially not now that teeth seems like they want to come out, but we’ll have to give it a shot.

The people I deal with in my job on a daily basis get me down all the more. I’m tired of being made to feel like a complete jackass who is not worthy of the job. I might be overreacting slightly, but seriously… 

Hubby is signing the blue registration form for the car tonight. How will I ever wait until Friday??

Anyhoo, got to go. Have a good night, y’all.



Honey and vinegar

May 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

We are the proud new owners of a new Toyota Etios. We took it out for a test drive an hour ago and afterwards my stepfather gave us the news that MFC approved us and he gave us four different options. We test-drove a silver one but we’re going for the white one that he’s kept out for us. It drives like a dream. This is the honey part.

The vinegar part is while we were talking outside by the car, Brother arrived. And this isn’t vinegar as in he ruined the whole thing. No. I know that it’s my brother’s dream to buy a new car out of the box. To be able to afford wonderful things. I know life isn’t supposed to be about material things but there’s a certain satisfaction in being able to buy something nice for yourself, brand-new and to know it’s yours and there’s nothing to worry about. And when he realized what we were there for, I could see it in his eyes. He acted excited and congratulated us, but I know deep down inside he’s sad, and it hits where it hurts. As Hubby and Stepdad were discussing options and extras and heaven knows what else, I just looked at my brother, and unfortunately he caught the look. I think he thought it was pity, but it wasn’t. In truth I didn’t feel happy about the whole thing at all. My heart was cold and my stomach was clenched and I wished we could buy this car for my brother and SIL. And he reacted on that look. He told my mom he was going to smack that look off my face (with a smile) and I just couldn’t help it. It’s not pity. It’s longing. Longing for my brother to finally get the recognition as man, husband and provider for his family. To not have to grovel at his company for money when his car breaks and face a boss that’s a complete douchebag to him. I could call the asshole other words but they’re not appropriate for this blog.

I want to start playing Lotto obsessively so that I can give my winnigs away to all those who need to be blessed. I wouldn’t keep any for myself… I just want to make a difference. And I’d start with my brother. Make all his dreams come true.

I feel so empty. I feel responsible. I feel guilty. And it’s not his fault. He didn’t induce this guilt. I know he just wants what’s best for his family.

In short, the vinegar far outweighs the honey.

My heart is truly heavy and I feeling like crying when I think of the perplexity in my brother’s eyes. I saw the what-ifs in them.

I feel like we rubbed it in his face :(

Tourmaline out… off to have a cry and find out if he’s okay.

On the hunt

May 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

For a car. What a @#$%^&&* schlep. As predicted, Hubby is easily excited and later on, when forms are already sent in and decisions made, he’ll suddenly start doubting and seek advice from more experienced car people in the family, and change his mind again. We’ve now submitted two applications, one which was approved already and the other one that still has to go in. We test-drove a Chev Aveo on Saturday, little gem of a car but for a 2010 model, it’s km’s are very high. 88000 km. My stepdad planted the idea of the new Toyota Etios into our minds. Brilliant little entry-level car. But there’s a GWM Florid for sale at my dad’s in Nelspruit. Quite a luxurious little car too, not that we’re looking for luxury, exactly. I just wish Hubby could stick to one thing. He’s been on the net all day, looking at different payment options and every ten minutes asking me ‘what do you think about this one??’ So finally I told him to just quit it, my neck and back muscles are already tensed up beyond belief that I’ll have to take a Cataflam for. This whole thing is stressing me out. I just want to get a damn car and get Blapsa off my back. I can’t wait to call the arrogant prick (sorry for this word, but his conduct is anything but professional and cordial) and tell him to come get the car and go f*ck himself. Sorry, once again. I’m very not-impressed with Absa’s staff and their lack of professionalism. Their conduct is shameful, disgraceful and disgusting and I’ll never do business with them again.

Any advice on GWM? Anyone driving one? Good car? Bad car? Should we? Should we not? Should we stick to Toyota? I’m thinking Toyota. And then people say that GWM is the cheap brand of Toyota… I’m not so sure. I know that Toyota and Honda NEVER EVER give trouble.

Going to CE’s tomorrow to spend some time on the performance appraisal spreadsheet. All the way to Benoni! Looking forward to seeing her :) She returned from her mom’s after visiting for a week. Mom doted on baby C and CE got to catch up on her sleep a bit, she says she’s gonna miss her sleep :D Shame at least it gets better eventually.

It’s amazing how we’ve become friends. She still believes in me even though I make mistakes at work so frequently it’s not even funny. She bbm’ed me Friday night and assured me that she’s also made some mistakes and that even management makes them. Yeah, she’s right but management never ever has to apologize. At least we can admit when we make mistakes.

Caleb is teething again. His poo has gone from hard balls to pasty again, and he’s difficult at night and chewing relentlessly on those little fingers. He hasn’t been sleeping well this whole weekend.Shame poor baby. He basically moans himself to sleep. MIL calls it ‘singing’. It’s quite cute. He’s growing up so quickly. 

We watched the Stormers/Sharks game with Hubby’s friend, Friend’s wife and other close family. Was nice to get out, we left Caleb with the in-laws as he was a bit niggly due to the teeth, and I don’t take him there on principle because I won’t expose him to smoke. We had a wonderful kuier, but it got cold real quick and I had to practically drag Hubby out of there. We don’t see them enough.

I love doing blockwords, even though most of the time they totally confound me and I peek at the answers in the back of the puzzle book. I always buy People’s puzzle book.

Anyway, off to make Caleb’s bottles and get his bag ready for school tomorrow. Hope y’all have a wonderful Monday!




May 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

I wish I can say the words that I really wanted to. But they are so foul, so horrible that they can’t actually be heard from a woman’s mouth. We’re supposed to be ladies, and all that.

I was sleeping, blissfully late as I planned. It was 09:35 when my phone rang. And the voice said ‘good day ma’am my name is Bank Asshole and I have to make an appointment with you to repossess your car today.’

Just like that. No warning. No nothing. And here I was, naively waiting for an email from the attorneys that never came. They said they’d email me the forms that I’d need to sign saying I willingly hand my car over to them, and it was taking some time to draft and get approval. I wait and wait and wait. And now this. The guy wouldn’t give me a chance to explain my situation, he has absolutely no sympathy so therefore I threw the phone down in his ear. And then another lady phones. They want my address. I told her sorry, I’m not giving anything to her until I can make a plan for alternative transport. Which might take a couple of weeks. She said that’s unacceptable. I then told her hey, don’t get me wrong – I fully acknowledge that I can’t pay what you want me to, that I have to give the car back. But I have a child to get to school and a job to get to, and I will not be bullied. I need time, and then when I’ve got my shit straight, I’ll give them a call to come and get the car. No worries. But somehow I get the feeling that they’re not going to leave it at that. They’re going to do everything they can to find me, and just to spite me, they’ll slap me onto the ITC too just for defying them.

And the ironic part is that Hubby’s bakkie’s final payment is going off now at the end of May. So we need new finance for another car and he’s the only person that can get it. He’s trying to make an arrangement for a bakkie…oy vey. We can’t afford that. Not the payments, not the fuel. And when I say bakkie, I mean BIG bakkie. A Toyota or something. Only way we can manage that is if he sells his Bantam off really quickly and we can use whatever he gets for it as a deposit.

Why does this shit happen on my off day? To top everything off, there’s kak at work again, kak that I’m supposed to take responsibility for. Some people weren’t paid their overtime. And I communicated with them for approval. So now management wants to know, why wasn’t it added to the payroll? What do I say? That I can’t deal with stress and forgot entirely about it? That is was submitted under the wrong name and I assumed it was for something else and didn’t bother to look at it again? That I’m a complete dumbass and don’t deserve to get more responsibility? I was so hopeful that this month’s payroll would be faultless. Guess not. I suck at this, I can never be a manager and I won’t delude myself into trying to believe it. The one nice manager who always understands’ patience is drying up with me. And I have a feeling she’s going to be talking to EC and the Big Shot pretty soon about my lack of attention to detail and messing with people’s salaries… for the second time in a row.

I want to put on my sneakers and walk up the road to the shop to go buy cigarettes…. And a big fat bottle of OBS. The one we have here won’t be enough to sustain me…

I give up.



Friends in trouble

May 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

Ladee asked me to update y’all on what’s been going on and why she’s been so quiet lately.

It all started when the bosses (DC’s aunt and uncle) started giving her grief because she didn’t come back to work at a certain time; they wanted her back earlier than her maternity leave stipulated. She told them that she’d only go back when her maternity leave is over and then they fired her without reason. Which they had no right to do. The law protects mothers and pregnant women. Anyway, DC then sided with the aunt and uncle because they’re related and he started badmouthing her to them. Next thing she knew, they were fighting about his family controlling their lives and dominating them with money, and it was revealed that his mother and aunt and uncle never liked her and only tolerated her because of Maddy. Soon the fighting escalated and she then went to her mother with Maddy, while DC told her that he needed time to think which way he wanted to go. And in her absence the family all poisoned him against her. She’s still at her mother’s and he won’t take her calls. Anyway, somehow the work issue got sorted but it sounds like she’s on thin ice, and DC won’t even talk to her. Still ‘thinking’ and ignoring her while they’re both at work at the same place and time. I personally think that he’s already made up his mind that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship with her anymore. He told her that he won’t take Maddy from her, but he will if he’s not happy with their accommodations. Luckily we know that he can’t just take her, and no court will just take a child away from its mother unless there is a very damn good reason for it. I told her to get legal advice and prepare herself, because if things go the way I think they’re going, she’s in for a long and hard road.

DC’s family is rich and he’s been used to the best. Still is. He wants Maddy to have the best too, and therefore he says that if he gets wind of Maddy not getting the best, he’ll take her. Ladee can care for Maddy on her own, but not necessarily the best. I told her that it doesn’t matter, as long as Maddy gets lots of real love and attention. Needless to say, the woman is devastated and in a lot of emotional pain. DC has chosen his family and money above her, and Maddy too. She wants to stay strong for Maddy but everything is taking a horrible toll on her. She’s physically sick, throwing up and just never gets time to have a good cry.

Your support and love and hugs would be greatly appreciated! I will make sure that your comments and posts get to her, she told me that she wants to blog but she’s too scared to do so at work, and she doesn’t have access to a pc at her mom’s. She would greatly appreciate your help. Anyone with any expertise especially on legal matters would be appreciated as well.

My poor friend, I hate to think of her practically all alone in PE. Helen, if possible, please get to her! Please :(

Spoke to the owner of the creche this morning. She’s aware of Elsie’s issues, she’s apparently not all that socially equipped but is very good with the kids. I guess other adults are hard for her. But I was assured that everything is 100% fine. And Caleb hasn’t shown any emotional changes, so I am now comforted.

I’m off tomorrow. Have to get up early anyway to get Caleb ready for school but then I’m getting right back into bed and having a nice long sleep.

On the ‘breakfast’ issue… well it’s not really an issue but I am honestly glad that some part of my libido is back. I was so surprised yesterday morning that last night I wanted to try it again… with great results. I’m happy to be normal again!!

Sorry for the TMI but I’ve been sexually numb for so long that I just want to shout it from the treetops! LOL I won’t of course, but here I feel like I can tell you guys. Thanks!



Something ain’t right

May 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

I knew my gut feeling was right. I knew it. There’s something wrong with Elsie, one of the ladies who look after the babies in the mornings until Lydia shows up, the full-time baby minder. She averts her eyes and hardly speaks to you, and she’s acting really strangely. I asked Lydia about it this afternoon when I picked up Caleb and she looked very startled when I asked her how Elsie is with the babies. She made a gesture towards her head and couldn’t quite tell me what her eyes were saying. But now I’m very worried. I’m not comfortable with this woman looking after my child, even if it is only for an hour and a half. Lydia then asked me not to tell anyone that she split (by saying very little with her mouth).

But this doesn’t work for me. I’m going to talk to the owner. I don’t want this woman near my child. I know she lost one of her own children but I’m thinking maybe she didn’t deal with it, or didn’t grieve. I know no one will ever get over the death of their child, but most people are still themselves. They face day by day with one step at a time, and something really ain’t right with this woman. And if they can’t be open with me about whatever’s going on, I’m yanking him out of there faster than you can say ‘headcase’.

Sorry if I’m being insensitive but the world is full of unstable people and they’re usually closer than you think. I’ve also noticed that Caleb comes home with a red bum (around the anus). It’s not nappy rash. Maybe it’s his nappies hurting him (because he’s outgrowing them really quickly) but I’m keeping an eye.

Thanks for all your support on my blog last night. I felt like such a chop. But I emailed the person who I managed to offend yesterday and apologized sincerely, and all is well again. It’s just going so crazy at work and I’ve never been good under pressure. I space out and get all frantic. I want to do a stress management course, which I’ll start after this month in the new cycle.

Caleb has started blowing raspberries, usually before we bath him. Soooo cute! And Jordan is a little tree-hugger already – paper is made from trees and she was sitting on SIL’s lap and playing with a sheaf of paper. And then SIL tore it in two. Jordan was hysterical. It was as if she was saying ‘mommy killed the paper’. Or she just doesn’t like the sound.

Anyhoo, I’m off to make pub lunch for dinner. Steak, egg and chips. Have to puree Caleb’s food too.

Oh, and lastly (sorry, hectic TMI) I had the breakfast of champions this morning… Hubby woke me up with back tickles which proceeded to a quickie and I had an orgasm for the first time since I got pregnant. Did any of you struggle with climaxing since having a baby?? Sorry if I’m hectically oversharing but I’ve been wanting to ask this for some time, because I feel very abnormal, I feel broken. And it’s not good for Hubby’s ego either.

Have a good one, ya’ll. Thanks for all the love!!




May 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

That’s me. It seems the more I try to be good at my job and prove myself ready to accept more responsibility, the more I screw up and actually OFFEND people. Sigh. Maybe I should just give up hoping that I’ll ever be good at this. CE is putting too much misguided faith in me. And management notices, because they get copied in everything.

I feel like giving up.

We’re having dinner at my mom’s tonight. Yum! Mom’s food, I miss it so much. They’ve missed Caleb after the weekend of not seeing him at all.

I tried to cook carrots last night for Caleb and burnt them. Sigh (facepalm again).

Luckily it’s a short week for me, I’m off Friday and as things are looking now at work, I’m better off not being there.

Not a good week for me. At least my husband and my child still love me.

Short post tonight.



6 months ago…

May 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

… this time I was sitting with my new baby boy in my arms, with him lying on my chest and marveling at the amazing experience I went through earlier in the day. Parts of it were not so amazing, like the spinal which is the weirdest feeling ever. The part of not being able to go home when I wanted to and had to go in for a c-section. The part where I was shaking out of control and trying desperately to regain feeling in my body, and being kept awake while I was on powerful meds. But then the amazing parts were when my little guy gave his first scream and he was lying on my chest, just looking at me through little squinty eyes, and looking so forlorn. My motherly instinct kicked in immediately and I was just holding him any place I could reach. When everyone left and it was just me, Hubby and Caleb. And when Hubby left, me lying backward in my hospital bed, with Caleb on my chest. The nurse’s face when she came in to get him and saw us like this. He was so tiny then.

And now, six months later, he’s a gargantuan little man. Tall and sitting by himself, and showing signs of impending crawling. He’s such a chilled little guy and adapts to most situations with ease.

Like this afternoon. We returned from the farm in Thabazimbi and since yesteday morning he’s been feverish and in pain with his ears, and chewing on his fingers the whole time, drooling all the while. But even while teething, he’s still such a happy little thing. Always chatting and smiling and being the little apple of his mommy’s eye.

About the weekend – beautiful place but hectically neglected by the proprietor’s son… the farm was given to the son to maintain, as his business. He’s a professional hunter and supposed to receive hunters, take them out hunting and put the money received into the business accounts. What he’s been doing is shooting everything he can and selling the meat to butchers in Pretoria North, while none of the money he gets if anyone ever goes to shoot anything goes into the business account. He pockets everything and expects his father to pay R 30 000 to maintain the farm each month. Father said enough. He’s not doing it anymore and the farm is in the market to be sold.

Anyhoo, Hubby trawled all over the entire place looking for something to shoot and couldn’t find what he was looking for. He could have gotten a blue wildebeest but wasn’t sure of the gender, and if he shot a male he’d have to pay R 3000. And while everyone was very keen on taking Caleb off my hands so that I could relax a bit, I didn’t and I didn’t enjoy it as much. Its just different with a child. I knew it wouldn’t be as much fun for me and that’s why I wanted to stay home. Add to the fact that we only left here at 20:00 on Friday evening and it was a 3 hour drive! We only got there at 23:00 and it was piss cold, but I haven’t seen the milky way in such a long time, it was truly beautiful. Caleb was very rustig on the way down, slept the whole time. When we got there we all had some OBS to break the chill, and then I retired to our room immediately, after the loooooong drive and sitting still in just one position for 3 hours.

I didn’t see much of Hubby this weekend and neither did Caleb, and it’s amazing how he misses Hubby when he’s not around. When Hubby appeared for lunch and dinner, Caleb was ecstatic and full of chats and giggles. The only problem was FIL. He was pushing Hubby to keep going to look for something to shoot, cos he would get half of the cut. Hubby barely had time to rest, he was up and at them all the time. By this morning he was so irritated with his dad already, and FIL kept pushing the time. Kept saying that Hubby could have two more hours to go look for something and by then it was already lunch time. Hubby finally said no, he’d had enough, but this was only after he saw my expression. I didn’t want to get home after dark, because Caleb is in a routine, and I’m sorry but he comes first.

And so we only came home after dark. Stopped here at 18:15. It’s cold, Caleb is gatvol of his car seat and difficult and they still wanted us to drive over and have dinner, and go get our stuff. I told Hubby to just unpack our stuff as we were not going anywhere again, Caleb’s body was aching and he was niggly. And as it turns out, they didn’t unload everything so Hubby had to get in the car anyway to go get our stuff. It’s one bag only… and it has our toothbrushes in.

And now we have to tackle this week after virtually no rest this weekend… it’s going to be a long one. I normally rest as much as I can on weekends. Maar nou ja. Hubby got his weekend away and that’s probably all that counts :) I tell you, the man is formidable with a 307 in his hands. He belongs in the bush, he would be an excellent hunter or farmer.

And I’m off to go wash the smoke out of my hair. Nothing stinks like that!!

Have a good one, y’all.