A woman got onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, furious. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “There’s no reason why you should stay calm. You go right up there and give it back to him. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A man calls the hospital.He says, “You have to send help immediately! A woman’s going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
He says, “No! This is her husband!”
Things Not To Say During Childbirth….
– Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
– Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
– I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
– If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
– That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
– When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
– You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
– This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
– Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
– Stop your swearing and just breathe.
– Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words.
– Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there.
(Thanks Patty, I enjoyed these )