This Is My Life

Dear Squidge

I can’t imagine my life without your sunshine, your smile. How I love your hugs, your smell, your laughter. And your little gremlin voice. You’re trying out sounds and sometimes they come out so rough we turn around trying to find the source of the deep voice. Your favourite sound is is “aboo”. You use it a lot. I wonder if its a word, just not sure what it would be for.

You tried out peanut butter today (your sandwich). And smoked salmon cream cheese (mine). You seem to have recovered from both your German Measles and your fungal infection. I hope so, I want to take you back to swimming. You love swimming so much, and still have your amphibian reflex. Or at least you did a month ago.

I love your red / blonde hair and blue eyes. Everyone remarks on the colour of your eyes. They are beautiful.

You are still not rolling over on your own. Nor are you crawling. I’m concerned about you not reaching your milestones, but have learnt that all these will happen in your own time. You will do so when you are ready. You can get around by pushing on your tummy backwards, but I see this frustrates you so much. You have never wanted to be still. Even in my tummy you moved and kicked so much.   

I’m sorry that I don’t seem to have enough time to spend it playing with you. This will change next year, I promise. In the meantime, I hope the time you spend with granny helps you form a life-long bond. Grand parents are so important.

You hate having naps in your cot now. I’ve learnt that you can’t force a baby to sleep. Try as I did with Talia. Now I know you’ll sleep in your pram, so I pop you in there and most of the time you do nap there. As long as you have Zoot your Zebra (you named him, not me) and a blanket or taglet to put over your face.

You’re awake most mornings between 5:00 and 5:30am. I let you talk to yourself for a bit before you start getting annoyed and then get you up for snuggles and a bottle in my bed. I keep thinking to myself that these are the times I want to remember forever. I hope I do.

You don’t seem to have a favourite toy, but you do love the music box. And you love dancing with me. Talia insists on music to dance to in the mornings (as long as I don’t sing!), and you wave your arms around as Talia dances with one of her Lilly’s in the lounge. Who cares that its 80′s music. Full blast. at 6:30am?

You love toast. And rice crispies. And carob covered rice cakes (you’re not allowed chocolate until you turn 1). You will actually happily put anything in your mouth. Including bugs and tissues and paper. When I’m struggling to feed you I pop you in your swing outside. On the forward swing, you get a mouth full of food. Talia sits in her swing and has a picnic too. Everyone is happy.

Your sister loves you. She just wants to hug you and snuggle with you in the mornings. Please know how lucky you are to have her. I know she will be your protector until you get bigger than she is. And you will be, quite soon I fear. You are tall, my girl. I don’t know where you got that gene from, but apparently you will be your daddy’s height by the time you are 18. Talia will always be small, like your mom. My girls as different as chalk and cheese.

I tell Talia that the most important thing she must remember is how much her mother loves her. I hope you remember it too.

I love you, my Squidge 

Second tooth is on it’s way out! She’s been very clingy today – picked a day when I had friends coming to tea and was desperately trying to clean the house.

Ups:

MIL moved to her own cottage last night. When she moved in with us 10months ago, it was supposed to be for 3 months while we built her flatlet. Things happen (bonds don’t get approved) and 10months later she was still living out of her boxes in our guest bedroom.

Downs:

Talia being ill and having to take so many medicines and supplements now

Keira having such a bad fungal infection and having so many medicines and supplements

(seems my whole families immune systems are low)

Forwards:

A healthy family!

Gosh, I think its just under 3 weeks before my sister and niece come down to Stellenbosch. Counting the days!

Sitting in Talia’s bed this morning, squidgie, me and Talia, and we’re playing nicely. Squidgie starts niggling and Talia goes “Squidgie Shit!”. I’m like “What?” And Talia says “Squidgie must go shit!”. Again, quite astounded and trying to keep very calm I say “what do you mean by that?” and Talia answers: “You know, keep quiet. shit.”

Its then I realise she means “shush” (or however you spell shhhuuuuusssshhhh )

The problem with living in Stellenbosch is that everything is in Afrikaans. At the ENT today, Talia wants me to read her a story. All books there are in Afrikaans… so I try my best with a book we know (we have the english version). After a while, I glance up to see the receptionist trying to hide her laugh, while another patient is just smiling. Then I realise they’re laughing at me. At my Afrikaans. Or lack thereof. It’s not my fault I’m English. And have a very pronounced, proper english accent (yes, I was born in JHB, I blame my geordie mother for this one).

I start apologising, and they laugh and tell me that reading is the only way to learn. Hmmm, for who, me or Talia?

Talia suffers some serious nose bleeds. But its taken me a while to get her to an ENT. In my excuse, running a business, a house and two kids (or is that running after two kids?), just doesn’t leave me time to get to things like this. And don’t make any comments, I feel guilty enough as it is – she should have been taken months ago. (On that, things next year will be very different, but more on that next year).

So a little while ago I make the ENT appt for today…. but then Talia gets sick. Head cold like the rest of us. Now, do I cancel the ENT appt (and make it for another few weeks time?), or take her with headcold. Decide to take her. Big mistake… taking a child with a headcold to a specialist means that you get all the details about which part of the nose actually gets infected when you’re sick. Hmmm, wonder what the chemist thought when I brought a script for antiobiotics from an ENT when a GP would have done the trick (paranoid mom takes her kids to ENT for a headcold?? And this was after yesterday’s trip to the paed with Squidge for a fungal infection).

Anyway, head cold (and ear infection too!) aside, ENT gives me run down on what causes so many nose bleeds:

Picking (she gets them when she’s sleeping, so not likely)

Vein that’s not strong enough (layman’s words)

Clotting problems / Platelet problems

But, he mentioned he was concerned about sores on Talia’s mouth. She has a coldsore … I put it down to low immune system (hence the cold) and that it would clear up. He seems to think it looks more like a vitamin deficiency (like iron or vitamin D).

Then he happened to throw in a few other things … there might be a spleen problem (spleen!!) or aneamia (I have a form of iron deficiency, apparently it may be hereditary).

Now on the vitamin deficiency, I give Talia a multi-vitamin everyday and she eats really well. So not sure what that’s all about. Maybe she does have my iron deficiency (I think I need to feed her more biltong!).

Anyway, he made me take a 3 year old for a variety of blood tests, and a clotting test. And my goodness, she made me proud. There was a slight “ow!” when they stuck the needle in, then she just sat and watched them draw three vials of blood. No tears. No performance. Nothing.

For the clotting test, they had to make a 2mm or so cut on her arm and watch the blood come out. Again, a slight “ow!” and she sat perfectly still watching her blood flow. By the way, all good here, so its not that.

We’ll see him again next wednesday, hopefully all tests will be back and it’ll be as “simple” as needing to zap the weak vein (they do it under a general, poor girl, she’s 3 and this will be her third!)

Squidge is entering a new phase … that of fighting her sleeps. I’ve resorted to putting her in her pram for day time naps (she seems quite happy to fall asleep in her pram still), but night time is going to become interesting. Sleep training here we come ….

The interesting thing is that the concept of sleep training no longer freaks me out. I’m not talking hectic, let the kid cry for hours, sleep training. I’m talking about the pop in, pat on head, calm down and leave. Wait thirty seconds. Go in pat on head, calm down and leave. wait a minute. Go in pat on head, calm down and leave. wait 2 minutes (you get the picture).

With Talia the idea of letting her cry for any length of time freaked me out. Now I think I can handle it. Second child syndrome?

We had a very rough night last night, between the two kids I didn’t get any sleep between 1am and 5:30am (when I eventually took squidge upstairs to MIL and asked her to take over and Talia and I climbed into my bed and went to sleep for another hour). Both aren’t well – squidge has a fungal infection (seems the kids have been sharing bugs in the bath) and Talia has a head cold (temp of 39 degrees).  Here’s hoping tonight is better. Glass of wine, finish writing my newsletter and then off to be for me…..

I don’t get caffeine. Whats your excuse?

Oh dear, I missed my blog birthday! On 15th November, 2006, I started blogging because I felt i had to. Since I happened to be the marketing manager for 24.com. And it didn’t quite make sense for me not to be using a tool I was looking after. Or being able to understand a tool I was marketing. At the time I didn’t see the point. There were trolls already on the newly formed blogs and it just seemed like a way to hide behind a computer screen and be nasty to each other. Something I wasn’t particularly interested in.

Then I started blogging.

I fell pregnant through ivf, discovered my baby would have clubfeet, quit 24.com, started a business, went through clubfoot treatment, decided against any more kids, fell pregant accidentally … and well blogged the whole lot.

And yes, there were still the trolls. but there were also my friends. the kind words, the support, the jokes, the teasing.

4 years later I am still here. So much for not seeing the point, hey?