Moving day

March 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

So I’ve made the move to a new blog yesterday,  Thanks to Mama-Cat, I was able to move my whole blog to the new site so there are now no more issues of sentiment or wanting to keep this blog alive because of the history.

runnermum.wordpress.com

Sad to leave but it is really time.

 

Getting my act together

March 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

So I’m turning 40 in 6 months time.  I really really expected to have my act together by now and not be riddled by insecurities, social gaffes and getting overwhelmed by life in general.  So here is my list of stuff that I just can’t get right and I really expected to have right by now:

1.  Putting on make-up – the best I can do is mascara

2.  Doing my hair properly – all I’ve done is to grow it long and attack it with a GHD – not really a hair style

3.  Knowing what to wear when – just not happening

4.  Knowing when Aunt Flo should arrive and not wear white skinny jeans on that day – nope – today is case in point – had to drive home to change.

5.  Having a whole circle of good girl friends that I can do girly stuff with – nope – friendship landscape is a desert

6.  Hiding my dislike in people – if I don’t like you I can’t hide it – maybe too honest

7.  Being able to tell white lies

8.  Having  good self confidence – not even remotely there – favourite pastime in the night is to tell myself how terrible I am

9.  Having a career – yes well what can I say

10.  Knowing where the scissors, nail clipper, tweezer, extension cord and double plugs are hiding in the house.

11.  Always having clean and ironed clothes.

12.  Having a medical emergency kit that is fully stocked and not just some random plasters and bandages floating around.

13.  Feeling like a grown up and acting like it, not like a 20 year old playing pretend.

14.  Having well behaved dogs that won’t jump on people – actually how did I become the owner of two large dogs?  I expected to still love cats?

Urgghh and the list can go on and on and on,

 

In memory of….

March 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

Mama-cat’s post about the emptiness and silence on the Parent 24 site has made me think about the people that used to be here and where they are now:

Here is my list – please add more if you can and where they are now, some of them I can’t remember the blog name but only the person’s name.

Deblet – her blog was the first one I read and the first one to follow and has made me decide to attempt my own blog.  Deblet is still going strong on her own blog.

Cinderella – Sanna living on the farm with Farmer boy and her small baby girl and Farmer Husband – I checked in on her blog the other day and it seems very quiet.

Sharon – Sharon has stopped and started on a new blog but between a teenager and an ill mom I assume her time is very limited

Tanya – she once held the number one spot on the 24 blogs – still going strong on her own blog but she has now made it a private blog and you have to request to access to it.

Maplotter Stories – Sumanda with the 4 kids, 3 still living on the plot outside Pretoria – no idea if she is still going

Tracy – The girl who couldn’t say now – now very busy with her charity for teen moms

The girl in Meyersdal with the blond little girl and the red car working in the emergency medical field?

There are so many other’s who we followed and shared the heartache and joys with and now they are just gone.  Sad to see.

Well the only plus is that my spam is now gone!!

 

 

 

Spam – 230 just over the weekend! Crazy!

March 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

OK – so I’ve just cleaned out 384 message from the 7th of March 2014.

Please parent 24 do something about it – it is always Lulumon, Nike Air or Jordan, and Coach.  At one stage it was also work from home.

I’m now going to stop deleting it and then count to see how much I actually receive in 24 hours.

But this has made me wonder:

1. Why do people do it?

2. What do they want to achieve?

3. Do they really think I’m going to believe they are from USA with such horrible spelling and grammar? Yes I’m sad – I actually read some of it.

4. Where do they find the time to these things?

5.  Is it actually people doing it?

6. Strange world we live in.

And in the time it took me to write this itty bitty blog – 2 more spams.

Why, why, why, why?

 

 

Running, spamming and other stuff

March 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

So I ran a marathon, a half marathon and a 10km on Saturday, it is quite a long day and it is very exhausting but it is most definitely good training for Comrades purely because you have to get up and go running even though your legs and feet are sore and tired. So the running season has started in earnest.

What is it with all these spamming emails?  What are these people trying to achieve – it is beyond irritating and I must say it has made me consider if I shouldn’t just wipe the whole blog but there is a bit of sentimental value to it and I would love for Zoe to read through it one day.  Although I must say that I’m not so good at the updates at the moment – it feels although I’ve lost my voice a little bit.

What else is new?

Zoe is happy in school and learning at a tremendous rate – only problem is the friends.  Now I’m not the most social of people and neither is Hubby so in a way we can’t expect her to be a social butterfly but I would really like her to have a least one friend and at the moment it is just not happening.  I wish I knew what to do – it is breaking my heart to see her so unhappy about this.  What is obviously making it even worse for me is that I’ve spent the last two years of my high school career completely alone and bullied to a stage where suicide looked like a very good solution to the problem.  I really do not want her to have to go through that.  And obviously I’ve had a few problems with friends in the past year as well so I’m feeling extremely vulnerable regarding the whole friend thing and I so don’t want that for Zoe.  What do I do?

Reading the woes about schools and how my fellow bloggers are struggling with schools and acceptance made me realise how incredibly lucky we are.  Zoe’s school is a government school, we pay less than R10,000 a year and the school’s performance in the national standards tests were some of the highest in the region and the region was one of the best performers in the country.  The region even kicked sand in the posh Pretoria region! Whhoo hooo.

What is it with all the rain in Gauteng – goodness – everything is full of water and the house actually smells wet – laundry is heaping up at a speed because our tumble dryer is broken and since we’ve had a lot of expenses in the past two months we can’t just go out and buy a new one.  What do you do with your old appliances anyway?

I’m in such a strange place at the moment.  I have this incredibly urge to just be at home, in my space and sanctuary.  I really see my home as a sanctuary from all things horrible and unpleasant.  I have no need to go away for weekends or spend time in the malls or anything like that.  I really only going to the shops if I have to.  I’m extremely content staying at home, knitting, reading, surfing the net, spending time with Zoe and Hubby and just being.  I wonder if I’m turning into a hermit?  Is that really such a bad thing?  In the end most people will only hurt you anyway or use you.

Sheesh just read the previous paragraph and it does seem although I have some issues.  Well I think that is true – I think the biggest thing is that I feel so betrayed by a person that I’ve invited into my home and who stayed with us and this person then went and told lies about me that has put me in a situation that has turned nasty and can become even nastier purely because of the lies he told.  And I’m helpless in containing the problem or solving it.

And now I’m going to stop because this last paragraph is even worse than the second last one.

 

 

 

 

A long and rambling post

January 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

We had a fantastic holiday in Knysna – there is just something that makes the whole province so amazing.  Everything was just so much cleaner and neater and friendlier and safer than Kwazulu Natal.  We are already planning our trip for December 2014 to Knysna again.  We didn’t really do much – spent lots of time on the beach or hiking in the forests or having picnics.  Zoe had an absolute ball. 

I went for 20km runs on my own around the estuary without feeling threatened once.  How I wish that we can have that sense of safety everywhere in our country.

And now the New Year has started and for us it is a really big year.  Zoe went to Grade 1.  And this child of mine is not impressed – she came home after the first day, deeply disappointed because she can’t read yet!  Poor child – so impatient.  The homework is getting more and more – goodness yesterday it took us about 45 minutes to finish everything.  And now that masses of curls that hangs on her bum has to be neat every day!  All of a sudden we have to get up much earlier to get us all ready for school and work.

I do feel so sorry for the mom’s that has to work a full day.  I can’t imagine coming home at 6 in the evenings and then have to cook and do homework and get the kids bathed and in bed and still have some time for yourself.  It seems like an impossible feat.

On the work front there is nothing new – still a swearing, screaming boss and not enough cash to cover all the costs.  I’m actually a bit depressed about work but I just keep on looking at the positives and I know that I can’t leave.

Comrades training has started and I’m slowly but surely getting back in the routine of running.  Difficult but I must persevere, Comrades this year is extremely important because of what happened last year – I have to get back on the horse and get going again.

We have now jumped on the Tim Noakes, low carb, high fat band wagon.  It is completely the opposite of what we have learned about eating for all these years but for once I can actually see a real difference in myself.  People are also starting to make comments about how much weight I have lost.  Kilogram wise I haven’t lost a lot – maybe 2kg’s BUT I have lost 7cm’s around my waist – yes 7cm’s!!  That is a lot.  Hubby has lost about 6kg’s – yes he really doesn’t need it but he is running much much faster and easier.

My running has also improved – I’ve shaved about 6minutes off my average time on a 21km.

So what do we do – well for me the biggest change was to move from oats and cinnamon in the mornings to eggs with ham / biltong and cream or cheese.  Nice and filling with lots of fat.

That is the big thing on this eating habit change – I don’t want to call it a diet because you can’t do it and then stop.  You have to eat a lot of fat – not lots of protein like on the Atkins diet but fat.  So our fridge is now stocked with butter, cream, cheese, crème fraiche, cream cheese,  bacon, and anything else that I can think that may have fat in it.  We eat a lot of nuts and biltong with fat and dry wors.  When cooking I cook the meat in butter and macadamia nut oil.  We have ruthlessly cut out carbs – most evenings we don’t even have carbs but rather some meat with a creamy sauce and a lot of raw dark green vegetables.  We don’t eat margarine at all anymore.  Hubby doesn’t eat any sugar – I still struggle with that – I do love baking and I do have to test the stuff I bake.  When we do have carbs it is of the low GI variety – brown pasta, brown rice – I’m not going to lie, I really do crave a massive plate of mash every now and again but the changes are so amazing that it is worth the odd craving and I do give in and have mash or spaghetti or French fries.

The only negatives at the moment – I had my cholesterol tested and it is a bit higher than last year, however it didn’t give me a breakdown between good and bad so I want to go for the proper blood test and see what that say and then there is the cost – carbs are cheap – to eat like this has made a definite impact on my overall grocery shopping.

And then on something that has really been bugging me the last few months.  The amounts of money we spend on our kids.  Surely the frivolous, and kiddie specific food, and the brand names are of a fleeting matter and is that really the values we want to teach our kids?

In 2006 there was no industry like children’s food in the UK, today it is a 220 million pound industry.  Why does a child need different macaroni and cheese from an adult or different cheese or yogurt or even milk?

Why do we need to buy the top of the range car with 7 seats for our 3 person family – isn’t the smaller car with only 4 seats sufficient?  All the clothes – why do we need 20 running shirts and 10 pairs of shorts?  Why does Zoe need to get something everytime we go to the shops?  What about the juice here and the chocolate there and the T-shirt that is only R50 so it won’t hurt.  What if I count all the T-shirts in her cupboard and I get to 30 T-shirts?  30 x 50 – that does hurt.

Why do I want to renovate our kitchen?  It is perfectly good the way it is – it is not about the look of the kitchen but more about what is produced in the kitchen isn’t it?

So this year we are making a concerted effort to stop the mindless spending of money on things that is not going to matter in 6 month’s time or even a year’s time.  We have specific long term financial goals now and it feels great.  The biggest one is the 20 year goal of having at least a few rental properties when we retire. 

A very very difficult and personal blog to write

December 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

I think we all make sacrifices for our kids, financial, emotional, physical and even relationships.

When Zoe was born I didn’t have a job because we moved from Durban to Johannesburg so the choice was easy to stay with her while she was tiny.  However when she was about 5 months old I realised that I need a job – I need the outside stimulation and interaction.  However Hubby and myself decided that I’m going to sacrifice my career and just have a job where the employers will know that Zoe is my first my priority.  I was exceptionally lucky and go a permanent half day job when she was about a year old.

I’ve been in this job since then and even though there is times when I’m bored and frustrated and angry and unhappy, I always keep my eye on the bigger picture which is the benefits to Zoe.

Make now mistake, I very well aware of the knocks I’m taking as an individual, no growth in a career, not learning anything new, no increases etc etc BUT I’ve learned to live around these problems and to do other things to keep my mind occupied and to grow in other areas.

However yesterday I had to go to a training seminar for senior management.  After the course the lecturer isolated me from the rest of the group and ripped all my choices apart.  I suppose I should see it as bit of a compliment because he did call me fiercely intelligent but he said that I should get an MBA and I should stop treading water and that I run because it is a way to compartementalise my unhappiness in other areas of my life and that I need to go out and study and get a career and that family is not enough etc etc.

I’m still processing all of this and it has made me question my choices but in my heart of hearts I know that I don’t want to get a MBA and if I do study something it will be to enrich myself as a person – cooking or writing or counselling etc etc.  To go and fork out R100K to get a MBA and I’m can’t move jobs because of Zoe seems a bit stupid to me.

And Zoe is still my priority – I still want her to grow up with a Mommy that is available and not working all hours of the day.  Is that so wrong?  Is that such a patethic ambition to have?  I don’t think so.

 

 

 

A lesson for us all

October 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

This is another story that is starting as a runner story but has evolved to teach me so many lessons.

In our running club we have a coloured family – Dad and son both run and they have joined us on our time trails and club runs quite often.  They are some of the loveliest people in the club and my admiration for them grows more and more everyday.

The dad was an alcoholic but has been clean and sober for more than 5 years now – the joy he gets out of life shines in his eyes and his voice – he has 5 kids – ranging from about 22 to a toddler but he loves them all with all his heart.

And then the son – the most gorgeous boy with green eyes like glass.  Full of tattoos but each and every tattoo is to commemorate something – a picture of his dad’s face on his bicep, his child’s name and birth date and his family name.  He is 22 but so responsible, with a vast knowledge of all things running.  He works in a running shoe shop and we buy all our running shoes from him.

He has been stopped by the police on numerous occasions because of his tattoos – even when he goes out for a run the police will stop him to question him.  However this does not make him bitter but just more determined to change the attitudes of the community.

They  live in a historically coloured neighbourhood in our town.  A neighbourhood where guns, gangs, violence, drugs and alcohol are rife.  This young man has now decided that the way to curb problems in his hood is to get people to exercise.  He has now organised various running related activities – including a family night on Wednesdays where the whole family can come and exercise and enjoy some quality time together.  He is has organised personal trainers once a month and he doing all of this without any money and no compensation at all and not a lot of support.

Just the fire in his heart to better his community.  He asks R5 per person per night, just to have lights for the people to be able to see what they are doing. 

How amazing that a young man can organise something like that and have so much passion and drive at the age of 22. 

Hats off to dad and son for being such amazingly beautiful people with such big caring hearts.  You are role models to all our selfish runners.

 

 

Meddlesome old woman

October 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Yep I’ve turned into a meddlesome old woman.  For the past year I’ve been sharing the road with a school boy on a yellow scrambler.  He is beyond arrogant and reckless on this thing and I have now taken the attitude of just letting him pass me and get away because I really don’t want him under the wheels of my car.  Well this morning he was behind my car and when I stopped at the traffic light he had to brake so hard that his back wheel actually lifted.  Well that was it.  I memorised his registration number and phoned his school this morning.  And told them about his recklessness and then said to them that I really do not care what he does to his own life but if he ends up under my car’s wheels, I’m going to have years of trouble, not to mention that my conscious will never leave me alone and then also what will his actions do to his parents.  So there I’m meddlesome now!

Zoe’s operation to extract the broken and loose teeth was a success.  However the gum is still completely open even after stitches and the extraction – I don’t know what we are going to do about that.  The funniest thing happened – after they gave her the medicine to relax her before the operation she started to hallucinate – she saw a small door and she just wanted to get out of the bed and investigate this small door, she was also giggling like a loon and she was so strong that I had to use both arms to keep her on the bed!  It was really extremely funny.

Well there is not much more to tell – I just wish summer wants to arrive properly now – it just seems cool and overcast the whole time.

Is it only me or is grocery shopping really depressing these days?  It just seems to me although I have to cut more and more every week and every week the total cost is higher and higher.  Now wonder people are getting angrier and more depressed by the day.

 

 

 

Kids getting hurt

October 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

OK firstly – the horror of the two toddler sisters murdered – what kind of society do we live in where things like that happens on a daily basis – we can’t keep on blaming the government and everybody else because this is something that is wrong with our moral fibre – how did it get to a stage where stuff like this happens on a daily basis.  Surely morality does not come from the government – surely there must be something inside of us that show us right from wrong or am I wrong.  I do dispare.

And now onto the real reason for my blog.  We were in the Kruger National park during the school holidays and Zoe attempted to jump up onto a cement bench, her foot slipped and she hit her top lip HARD on the wooden bench.  I jumped up even before she finished falling and she picked her up and raced to the nearest bathroom – it was just blood everywhere – and she was even crying differently!  Hubby just ran away – he can’t cope at all.  Well after all the blood was cleared away I could see that she had a massive laceration on her top gum – so big that the teeth in the gum was actually showing.  Well nothing could be done at that time – it was 6 in the evening and all the gates were closed.  However once the blood was stopped, I could feel myself getting woozy and the tears just started to flow.

The next day we took her to the doctor at Skukuza and he said there is nothing we can do – it need to heal by itself.

Got back from the Kruger, and after two weeks the gash in her gums were still there and one of her front teeth was loose and the other one was turning black.  Took her to the dentist and he said the trauma was still so huge that he can’t do anything about it – we have to wait another two weeks.

Today was halfway through the two weeks.  Zoe’s been complaining about her mouth for about 4 days and this morning when she woke up her cheek look as red and swollen as an apple.  It was before seven and I just got out of the shower – phoned the dentist, they said come, I just threw a dress over my head and raced to the dentist.  No brushing hair and just a quick swipe over my teeth.

Well luckily the dentist was quick to see us and he confirmed that she broke one of the teeth in the back of her mouth and that has now created an absess.  So now she is on antibiotics and the next step is to operate to get the tooth out – next week Thursday.  And now I’m woozy and shaking again!

How do people cope with kids that is forever hurting themselves?  This was the first time and I want to throw up and cry and I’m shaking like a leave.

There is so much else going on in my head but I don’t think I can write about that yet.  Nothing new going on in my life but boy ohh boy do I have drama’s in my head.  I suppose it is a bit of a mid life crisis.  Not a good place at all.